54. Knock on the door.

Aaaand todays (rather cheery) 30 day challenge subject IS:

A time you thought about ending your own life.

Jolly good.
Hmm.
I don't really know what to say, except for I am definately still alive, so I have not killed myself.
I've never REALLY tried to kill myself, at all... probably because I'm a bit of a chicken, and the thought of putting myself in danger doesn't really appeal (neither do roller coasters, I think the 2 are linked in).
I've had super low times, when it feels like the world has to end or I do, and it seems that there is no way to go through with life... but they tend to wear away over a few days, I go through an apathetic stage, and then I'm back to normal. Those WERE more when I was living at home, probably a moody hormonal teenage sort of thing, but still.
I've self harmed, never to an extreme state really... it's a bit of a release. As long as you keep those things so they don't affect other people, and don't threaten your own life, then it's fine. Some people turn to drugs, some to shopping, some to pain. We've all got our little ways. These days I tend to stick to attempting to channel anger into something else, or just trying to stay calm. I was recently thinking about starting to practise meditation (of sorts) for a while, but I'm not sure how well I'd be able to do it, as I might get impatient. I certainly got impatient with Pilates.

So yes, to keep you all calm, I currently doubt I'll ever commit suicide. I've been worried about friends mentioning it before, and feeling powerless to do anything (thankfully they didn't carry it forwards), and I've seen how suicides of people can bugger up others, even if I didn't know the dead person in person, just by name.

I DO however, believe in Euthanasia. If you really want to die, for decent reasons only (you're too ill to recover, too old to help yourself).
But thats another story.

Right... back to trying to work.